Monday, July 26, 2010

Title: The Last Poem

The Last Poems


May 27, 2009, I wrote this poem not with paper and pen,
but with my poetic heart and our love.
This is the book of our love, only you and me.


I would dedicate this to you, to our past,
And to our love that didn’t last.
It would be the last poems I will write.
Thank you for being the inspiration of my desire.
Thank you for your words though I rarely hear,
Thank you for the time you spent,
Thank you for completing me, though you are not here,
Thank you for being with me, a year you lent.
It is all for you and for your love so true.

Chapter 1: May 2009

I met this guy, totally stranger,
But I didn’t even mind what would be the danger.
And in love we were hungry.
It started in the meeting of the fingers.

The chill started from my skin,
As I heard you whisper in my ears.
It deeply went down, but I didn’t mind,
Because it was just a game, a good deal.

Can you be mine?” you asked.
I was totally puzzled, totally out.
Yes,” I responded, but I could even say loud.
The game was officially started, no rules, no bounds.

Chapter 2: June 2009

No serious emotions between us.
I love you,” with no sincerity,
I miss you,” with no loyalty.
No one cared; it was just a good play.

Days passed, and became week,
I said the same “Yes to someone.
I loved him more than you,
And you should not know.

Chapter 3: July 2009

My heart and mind were not with you.
I lent it to other guy, who was mine too.
I didn’t consider you, not even a single moment.
I knew you did the same, didn’t you?

We had a communication, and the lie continued.
We were fooling ourselves, making a fling,
Because we were busy on other things.
And the act went far, and no one even tried to watch.

Chapter 4: August 2009

There were no months that you forgot,
You greeted me, I did the same but I never meant.
I didn’t heed about those,
Because you were not the one I was afraid to lose.

But why was I still hanging in the air?
I was longing for the one I wished to stay.
I prayed that he would be here in my arms,
But the angels above didn’t hear me,
I had two lovers, yet still alone in the sky.

Chapter 5: September 2009

I felt the heaven in the touch of his hands,
But soon I lived in hell as he left my heart.
We broke up and I hunger again in love,
And I never thought you would feed me much.

I never thought that there still one, who stayed,
And I was stupid, I realized it so late.
I was blinded with his shadow,
And now that he was gone,
I saw the light in your side.

But why our fate was so unfair,
It gave you but never gave me a chance to see you again,
You lived in the other side of my world,
Would you still be there?

Chapter 6: October 2009

And so I was attached only to you,
We had more time for each other.
I heard your voice and your words again,
Spiced up with your sweetness and care.

I remembered that I was sick before.
You never stopped buzzing my phone.
You always asked of my condition,
And got mad if I didn’t do your advice medication.

You acted like my cardiologist,
You cured my heart and put the pain to least.
You became my medicine,
That mended, cherished and lifted me.

Chapter 7: November 2009

Another month came,
No new things in me, I was lame.
For once I almost forgot about your existence,
And no big deal to me, no hurt, no pain.

My world seemed so indifferent,
My heart tried to harden itself.
Tried to be as hard as a rock,
Closed all possible emotions and infatuations.

Chapter 8: December 2009

Oh, my December, a month of love and thanks.
Children caroled outside the gate.
All were happy for the season to came,
But I left alone without any excitement.

All I wanted was to have a rest
From all the pain and hurt.
And to those that I had hurt and played
--I should stop and changed.

And oh my December would end,
But what was this? You were here again.
You had decided yourself to share the next years with me,
You wanted this game to be a serious relationship.

December 27, 2009, the marked date for us.
No more flings in both sides.
We vowed to be honest, to be loyal and to be open.
But to change myself was so hard,
And you still offer yourself for my start.

I wasn’t sure of what I entered.
Was I fooling myself with a new lover?
Fear, it was the one that stopped me.
Strength, it was the one I lacked.

I will be patient and understanding,
You said with full of confidence.
Just hold on to me and everything will be okay.

Chapter 9: January 2010

The sun shone after the long rain.
It was so beautiful to see,
I couldn’t help myself to stare.
So many colors to witness as the black clouds faded,
Such a beautiful rainbow, it should stay.

And yes! Things gone right to us.
You and me with no worries, no problems, no breaks
Just like a good dream that came true.
And the next months to be with you,
Were like years of happiness, I love you.

Chapter 10: February 2010

Love is in the air.
Love has its own mysterious ways.
Love could lead someone to death.
Love could give you a chaotic world.

Love without cruelty wouldn’t have sweetness.
And after all the smiles, it would welcome you to cries.
But your love gave me warmth,
Though I haven’t seen you, not even a glance.

We were literally separated,
By the distance of fate,
But we were one and love that only connected.
No matter what it took,
We kept it stronger.

Chapter 11: March 2010

Every night the moon shone outside my window,
The stars were so bright and beautiful.
Those nights which I wished not to end,
Those nights that I was with you and only for you.

And only in night we planned for tomorrow,
Only in night we didn’t feel any sorrow.
Those nights that almost perfect,
If you were just with me – be mine.

It seemed like I had a good dream.
Though only in voice that I could feel you,
My day and night were still complete.
And before I lay down on my bed,
I love you,” I feel protected.
It kept me safe when I sleep – I grinned.

Chapter 12: April 2010

This was the greatest chapter of the book.
It was the month that I could see you again.
You were on your vacation in our place,
Hope fate wouldn’t play us, I prayed.

And the day came,
I was bit disappointed, but still happy.
You might received such insults,
It was okay, you were still the person I loved.

Your eyes, it was glazing like auroras.
Your nose was as steeped as the mountain.
Your lips that I longing to kiss.
You are so perfect.

I couldn’t get you out of my mind,
And the butterfly in my stomach as I looked in your eyes
Your hair, your smell, everything,
I couldn’t help myself to miss you more each day.

Chapter 13: May 2010

I never thought we’d gone this far.
One year past, but still we were apart.
And it didn’t matter, as long as we were together
And as long as this heart beaten as one

We vowed to be with each other.
Two years, three four, or until forever.
So many plans for the future,
So good to hear like a music in my ears.

What would I ever wished for?
To be with you was more than the contentment I looked for.
I was so happy; I couldn’t even complete my words,
I couldn’t even express it, I got crazy.

I knew you felt the same,
You have those angels that singing in heaven.
Your heart was jumping for joy,
And you couldn’t stand a day without me.

Oh, God is so good, He is the best,
He gave you as the most beautiful gift.
But I wondered why this early?
Were you really for me?

We proved our love for a year, didn’t we?
Or we just last because we were still playing?
Was this happiness really true?
Or just an imitation and fooling us too?

If it was just a mistake, I would rather take it right,
For I love the feeling
I would be stupid, let me have the privilege
I didn’t care it was foolishness, just be min forever.

Chapter 14: June 2010

The wind blew strong,
So fast that it was turning into a typhoon.
It went to north, suddenly to south,
East and west, so unpredictable.

Just like the wind that blew strong,
I couldn’t even think precise.
Why did I feel this way? I was confused and puzzled.
And the wind even affected our relationship.

I asked myself, “It isn’t the right thing to do,
“I should not be with you, it is wrong.”
Did I wake up from a dream?
Or did I just have a nightmare?

And then I asked for a space,
I needed think more about it.
I should have end this,
But it would hurt us.
I should find the true happiness,
But it would hurt you.

Am I crazy?” I asked.
No,” I respond.
What I was thinking was the best thing to do,
To end the game that we started.

And yes the rain started to fall again.
After that strong wind, the sky cried.
It shed its tears in our hearts,
Because my decision is final.

Chapter 15: July 2010

Minutes, hours, days, and weeks,
Every time the clock ticked, I couldn’t wait.
I couldn’t wait to say it to you,
But I couldn’t find the guts to face it too.

July 4, 2010, I beeped your phone,
It started with a cold “hello?”
Simple talk and greet,
And finally, the black clouds were back again.

“I want a break up,” my heart pounded.
“Let’s end this, I am tired,” an excuse, that wasn’t true.
It was my heart, who wanted it to happen,
But my mind was in a protest; “Don’t give up.”
“Okay,” that’s all you said,
And that was it, it was the end.

I hanged up, and closed my eyes,
Because I couldn’t face the fact that you were gone.
I let my tears ran down,
It was what I deserved from the stupidity of the heart.

And so, there were no “us” any more
No more plans, no more future together.
We will now facing this world alone,
For we were done with this book.

But it isn’t the end,
There are another chapters to start for each other,
But in a separate story,
for we have separate lives to worry.

Let this rain continue to flow,
Though it makes us feel blue.
The sun will surely shine soon,
And will let us witness the beauty of the colors.

Author's Last Poem

Love won’t be right if it started wrong,
It won’t last if you take it so fast.
There’s always a right time, maybe not now or tomorrow,
But let yourself continue to grow.

Rejection leads you to pain and hatred,
But never feel so desperate,
Let all the failure be the lesson of future,
Let the yesterdays a memory to treasure.

Learn to let go, even though it hurts,
Nothing is permanent so always give thanks.
Limitations will prison you in darkness,
So never limit yourself to pursue happiness.

Sacrifice all if you need to,
And at the end of the day regrets won’t bother you.
Give all your heart to the one who deserve,
Don’t be afraid, there’s always a room of trying.

Do not live in your dreams but in reality,
Do something to get what you desire.
The world won’t stop turning as you surrendered,
Life must continue, death is the end.

Never hesitate to say goodbye,
I won’t bring bad.
Goodbye is not for forgetting, but for moving on.
It welcomes you to the new beginning.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Kaming sentro ng atensyon, silang humaharap sa diskriminasyon

Kaming sentro ng atensyon, silang humaharap sa diskriminasyon
 ni Chritian Jai Garcia

”Section one”. Pangkat na kinabibilangan ko. Pangkat na may matang nakabantay, animo’y mga matang mapanghusga at nagmamatyag.

Kami’y sentro ng atensyon. May bagong pasilidad, dekalidad na mga guro, maayos na silid... Lahat! Pangalanan mo at meron kami nyan.

Minsan, naglalakad ako sa gawing likod ng aming kampus. Doo’y nananahan ang mga ”lower sections” kung tawagin. Singaw ng nagsusumigaw na tagaktak ng pawis at silid na ‘di mo pagkakamalang silid ang tumambad sa akin. May mga sirang upuan, bintanang basura ang masisilayan at mga pisarang tagpi-tagpi at mga kalat na walang tiyak na pupuntahan. Nahabag ako. Biglang tingin sa aking ”I.D.” at napasabing, ”masuwerte ako, pero papaano sila?”. Pansamantala kong hinubad ang aking I.D. ko, hinarap ko sila bilang isang kapwa nila estudyante. Hinarap ko sila na di binubuhat ang pangkat na kinabibilangan ko. Nabatid ko sila. Diskriminasyon kong maituturing.

Muli kong isinukbit sa gusot kong kwelyo ang aking I.D., marahan akong bumalik sa aming silid. Tahimik ako, blangko ang pag-iisip. Inikot ko ang aking paningin sa aking mga kaklase, mga kaklase kong maginhawa ang nararamdaman, ’di alintana ang init dahil sa nakatapat na bintilador sa kanilang mga mukha. Namuhi ako sa sarili ko, nakakapag aral ako ng maayos tulong na din ng komportable naming silid, pero papaano na sila? Ako man ay ’di makaiintindi sa itinituro kung mala-impyernong init ang aking nararanasan.

Nagnilay-nilay ako. Nanatiling blangko. Bigla akong naliwanagan, naisip ko na kahit ano palang gawin ko ay maliit pa din ang nag-iisa kong tinig na naghihinaing. Itataas ko nga ang aking kamao ngunit ‘di naman papalaring mapansin. Sa huli’y mapapaupo ako, walang magawa habang iniisip, nasa amin ang atensyon habang sila ang humaharap sa diskriminasyon.

*a blog entry from Christian Jai Garcia