Tuesday, December 22, 2009

December 21 2009: the Fast food crew story...

December 21, 2009

we had a get together of my high school friends to day in my classmate's house near Laro high School.
We really missed each other, and of course the high school life together. After the house party, we went to Sm Fairview but in lesser count of company. Some left before the sun kissed the horizon and the moon shines in the dark sky.

Anyway, we went there just for fun. we played, we tripped then we went in Robinson, just across away. We went there to eat. i suggested mc donalds for i guess it was the only fast food that had less number of people. When I was on the counter, I ordered the food of my four friends. As I faced the crew, I felt the feeling of ruedness and "maldita" in me.
I played a freaking trip on her...that called the attention of the manager, (here is scenario the)

Crew: Good evening Ma'am, welcome to Mc Donalds!

Kharly: Uhmmm....4 order of Burger McDo...

Crew: with fries and drinks n po b ma'am? (she but in)

Kharly: Of course, with fries and drinks....then, burger mcdo, solo, plus 3 order of sudae, chocolate...(she hurriedly get my order..then punched those...)
Kharly: miss, excuse me..meron pa...
Crew: ano p po ma'am?
Kharly: (ante and mhai was beside me in this scenario) miss isa pang order ng burger mcdo then pa upsize into float and ung drinks then p large ng fries...

(all in all, i got 4 burger mcdo with fries and drinks, 3 sundaes, another burger mcdo solo and another burger mcdo with large fries and drink upgraded in float)

she punched the order without repeating it.

Crew: Ma'am, 298 pesos po.

Kharly:(i handed all the oney i have)
Crew: Ma'am, 298 lng po...
Kharly: Huh?
Mhai: nge? bakit?
Kharly: paki recap nga ung order ko...
Crew: 4 burgers, upsize fries and upgraded drink, and 1 solo burger...
Mhai: Wlang sundae....
Kharly: you forgot about my 3 sundaes...
Crew: ok po ma'am...337 po lhat(pero 373 tlga)
Kharly: 337..? or 373?
Crew: ai sorry ma'am, mali lng po ng tingin...(this time, umalis na cna mhai)
Crew: here's your order ma'am...thank you for giving me 400...(she handed me the change and the receipt)
Kharly:(lookin on the receipt..)(mhai and ante came) Miss...let me clear my order...
I ordered 5 burger mcdo...blah blah blah...
Crew: ma'am..makikta nmn po s receipt ung order...
Kharly: I know...at kulang yung order ko(I computed all my order mentlly)
mhai and ante: wala ung order mong burger...
Crew: hindi ma'am, four lng po ang sinabi nio...
Kharly: nope..i said five...i sum it up to you...i said four first then I added up one..to make it 5..
Crew: hindi ma'am...four lng po ung sinabi nio...(the manager noticed is having a problem)
Kharly: (i took a deep breathe, i smiled while raising my eyebrow)whatever...kulang ng isang burger meal..
Crew: cge po ma'am...dadagdagan ko n lng po..penge n lng po ng 60.
Kharly: (i called mhai, and she handed me 100)
Crew: ito po change nila...
Kharly:(as i looked on the 20Php bill, i saw a big vandal written "PATRICK" so i asked her again) Miss..tinatanggap b ito?
Crew: (she looked at the money on the clean side that she didn't notcie the vandal. she stared on it, lookking for any signs of fake...)ma'am totoo po ito..(she gave me back the money)
Kharly: no...hindi ko kukunin yan...(i gave the money back, facing the vandal to her..)
Crew: sandali lng po ma'am ah..tanung ko lng po...(she went to the manager..and confirmed hindi yun pwde..so she changed the bill into coins)

(i noticed that while she was serving my order, she was nervous and terrifiesd...i just watched her with an insulting smile)

Kharly: miss, san jan ung regular?
Crew: Ay! sorry ma'am...
(ante and mhai watched her..then fetched up the two trays of order)
Crew: ma'am wait lng po ung sundae ah..
Kharly: oh sure..take your time...
Crew: more catsup for fries ma'am...
Kharly: yeah thanks...

I left the cashier and shared my ruedness to my friends...OMG...i really laugh so hard..so do they..it was really funny...

I know it's bad..but...I guess her stupidity make it worse!:))

enough of that..I've been a bad girl this year..santa won't forgive me...:D

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Christmas crisis

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

“If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.”
(Quotation from Facebook Application, Quotes of Life)

The quote was saying something to me, and the literal meaning was really fitted for the incoming holiday, the Christmas. I found that quote when I was lurking on one of the Facebook applications. I could relate on the literal meaning for I didn’t have enough money to buy gift for my family, friends and closest friends. As much as I wanted to be liked Santa Claus to them, I couldn’t because of the financial problem. From the quote’s literal meaning, memories and my goodness to them could be counted as my gift for them for I didn’t have money to buy; that I would count their good deeds and love to me so I could feel rich in return.
Saying the truth, for the families of persons that belong in the middle class of the society wouldn’t be able to have a great Christmas if they wouldn’t spend lots of money, that they wouldn’t feel the satisfaction of gift-giving in Christmas if they failed to give all their friends and relatives a gift or gifts. Meaning, Christmas now wouldn’t be that fun and memorable if you would not burn thousand of money you had, spending it all just for this one big day. That was how we celebrated every single holiday we had in the calendar, not just in Christmas.
However, my journal this time was pointing about “How to have money or to save money to prepare for the Christmas?” The money would not all be granted to my friends, but also to myself. I had lots of stuffs listed, arranged from the most wanted up to the not so needed, that I was planning to buy. At least half on the list were bought. I am a compulsive buyer, I buy the things that catch my attention, but that was the time that I had enough money to support my compulsiveness. But, it was different from where I am now. I wasn’t saying that I was poor this time, but, I could feel that the money I got would not fit my wants and need, and that was my burden, on how to make it fit for the gift-buying expense. As much as I wanted to have a part-time job or much better if I worked over the net, just doing some research or so, but I couldn’t because my studies would be at risk if that happened. Besides, I am still in minor age, there would no work would accept me. The only thing I knew was to wait for my Christmas allowance from my parents, and some red cards from my Ninong and Ninang or any other relatives. They were my only source this time, and of course, my daily allowance.
I knew that I wasn’t oblige to give gifts to others for I still don’t have a good job to earn my own money, however, gift was somehow a symbolism of thanking and appreciating your loved ones that was being shown just once in a year. As much as I wanted to consider my kindness and love to them as my gift, I couldn’t help myself to feel ashamed.
I had 17 more days to save and to know how to earn more money. This year, I became more money-conscious, that I asked myself if I was also a victim of lacking in budget or was it really the goods and items increased its prices.
I hope that before the Christmas, it will rain money so that I could have enough to give them gifts they wanted, and for one day I would be their Santa.
                                It’s the thought that counts…” (Still quotation of poor ones…)

Why not Giving him one?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

“Isn’t it that giving a second chance is as hard as forgiving someone? Or as hard as trusting a stranger? Or forgetting all the pain you have? But somehow, giving someone a second chance making them realizes mistakes, pushing them to change.”
5th day of December, first Saturday, we had a Career Factor in school. This was our second meeting, meaning it was my second chance to be trained as a facilitator of different High School students, and to show what I got, though I was new in the team. At this point, I had to be very keen and to act as if I was really the facilitator, well-trained, and had much experience. This day was very tiring, yet enjoying and educational. All of us were on the go, enjoying the whole day. At the end of the program, we won! Though not the first place, we were still the 2nd placer. We felt the joy of victory! Fate gave me a second chance to facilitate again, that was for me to bring the group to the top.
As we arrived home, I checked for any e-mails and of course, I logged in to YM. I had this friend of mine, a very, very close guy friend. We had a small chat, updating one another about college. As the small chat turned into long talk, the conversation got deeper. To sum up the whole thing (Sorry, this is too confidential. Stating some or the whole conversation won’t be shared), the he was asking for a second chance. In the middle of the conversation, I heard again those promises, reasons and explanations, excuses, realizations, compliments, apology, that showed sincerity, and such that I was afraid to believe and trust with.
I asked myself:
                ”How am I suppose to give him a second chance?”
                “How am I able to trust his words” and followed by this statement, “I learned my lessons! This is stupidity if I give one…”
It was really the most stupid thing to do, letting others to have another chance, yet still doing the same. In contrary, it wasn’t giving a chance that was hard, it was trusting. Learning from the past brought damage into your ‘trust crystal’ that made you feel doubt on the person committed mistake on you; that you were afraid that he might do the same.

On the other hand, people changed and continue to chance. Though they gave pain your heart before, as the time passed by, they realized their mistakes they would ask for your forgiveness, begging for another chance for them to show their sincerity. I knew they also feel what you got, they thought about that matter before, but asking for those were the best thing to do for guilty would leave their conscience.
Honestly, I really did not know if I would give a second chance or not. I was still looking for a good basis or the what-he-got for him to be forgiven and deserving for it. The two sides of me were having an argument, one said I must give him a chance because everyone deserved to have; and the other was stating all the negative what-ifs it had. I was afraid to trust for I knew I would be open again in pain and my weaknesses would be shown, and then I would be hurt again in the end, though happiness dropped first. There was a great tendency of those things to be real, until such point that trusting would be voided.
I was thinking about the cycle of pain via giving a chance. I would give someone a second chance for me to see his sincerity of changing, yet I had a doubt to him that made me blind of his improvements, where his failure was the only thing I saw. In result, I would reject him, realizing that I gave a chance then he wasted it. Another I idea was, I gave my whole trust to him, hoping that in the second chance I granted him would change him in good, like what he promised but in the end, he didn’t improve and gave another agony to you. Then sorrow would continue and continue until at the time that I, myself would realize that the chances I gave were all wasted.  Which is which, both would yield in something bad.
“What was with that two-word that it made so hard to be granted to him? Or was it because I wasn’t holding on something, the assurance of his change? Or was it my emotion controlling my decision?”
As I woke up, Sunday, and until Monday, I was thinking of the same thing and came up with a decision, that giving him one. I knew if I gave him, the cycle of mistakes might not end, but as long as the fact of change is there, that I am learning in every hurt I got and in every lesson I encountered, I promise, I would be the one to stop the stupidity of chances.

                                “If God gave His men another chance, why not us giving them another chance…

Monday, November 16, 2009

First day-Secon Sem

November 16, 20009

Second Semester started today. Well, so far, so boring.

Our first subject was Data Structure and Algorithms in Java. Our professor was newly hired and about to teach this sem. Since she was new, I thought she would do a little impressive stuffs or entertaining, entertainment is such way thet could catch up the attention of the whole clas, but then...I guess, she didn't make us interested on the subject. (I hope that Data Stucture and Algorithms will never be a problem or worst to me.) She was just telling everything about her, about her past experiences in college, the dates, the places...ugh!!!! I know it was good to know your teacher, but all out of heck go on with the more interesting stuff. I got her point for us to be closer to her and got inspired with her stories, okay...that was good..but, I dunno...I wasn't interested hearing her stories that time. (Sorry for being inconsiderate and impulsive one, but...it's my college now, just go on with the 'topic')

After the first class, well...Lunch Break...

We only got one hour break...Ok..nothing to deal with that, however....I was freaking out for what food I wanted to eat knowing that I was in insanity of Dieting- I was Frustrated of my figure coz I gain 2lbs..!!! 
Oh well, I ate pasta..(ugh! carbohydrates!) and set my mind that it would fit me and I wouldn't find for another. For you to know guys, I am only 16 now but I am a figure concious...oh well, it is my faul why I gained much; I ate much Chocolate last Semestral break...

Third class, Last subject to attend: Computer Programming 2

Oh well, I didn't get bored much coz our teacher was Mr. Alfonso. Well, he was funny, loud and approachable, I wished. He noticed me easily, well...who wouldn't, I am the daughter of the dean. Anyway, we just looked for our "finals-groupmates" and he proposed the incoming projects etc. Well, nothing done much today, just intoducing and looking with the faces of my classmates.

Speaking of them, I met new faces in my section, but I still have some of my "old classmates" last sem. I got different expressions to them, but I think they are all nice...

I am now inside our school Comp Lab, writting this Journal while waiting for my mom. hahaha!!! I guess, I must go now before the computers are forced to shutdown. You know what I mean, I must go...

Till then...

...xX kHaRLy@AiCHini Xx...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

First Sem Grade

That picture is the copy of my class card this first Sem. 

I am a freshman IT student in STI Global City, Taguig. With the result of my grade, I can say that all my sleepless nights doing my assignments, reviewing for examinations and analyzing brain-cracking programs are worth it. Staying more time inside the library, having an advance reading, asking for teacher's help whenever I didn't understand some lessons, specially in programming, my eagerness...all of those, they result in a grade that I really deserve.

I can see that my parents were happy with my grades. I know they are proud of me. 

I know that this is only my first year, first sem grade, that I shouldn't feel very happy coz there will be more to come, but I don't care. I have plans with me, for my preceding years in college.

I will do better than what I have done this last sem. More time in studying and less with foolishness.

Ahhhhh!!!! It really boost my confidence to study more with that result. I swear!

from a girl with big grin,


Ganbatte Kudasai!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


September 25, 2009

It was raining hard and the clouds were so gray. The ambiance was so blue and it fitted me so. My best day of the year became the worst and somehow, my dream came true.

In every beginning there was always an end. However happy you were at the start, it always ended up with pain in your heart. No matter how much you prepare yourself to accept, it still left you wounded. Even though you found the clarity you wished for, even though you said to yourself that you were satisfied, I knew, it still hurt you, no matter how deep or how shallow. So, why saying that there was a happy ending in every story, if in every end there was someone or something important had to pass away.

Sometimes, you had to end some stuffs that for you was foolishness or worthless. Though it was really hard to stop you have to just for you not to feel hurt, like saying the truth; the truth that would set anyone free. Though it was really that throbbing, but if that was the only way to set you free, and then took the risk. Life was very unfair for it wanted to give you challenge not sorrow. For it wanted to make you realize of things you got not let them lost.

I wrote this blog for me to carry all out my burden, this burden that love gave me. I wrote this for I could clear my mind and comfort my heart. I lost someone that I considered as a part of me. I lost him not by will but by please. He wanted to end what we got, so did I. I also wanted to end it up not because I could fight no more but because I didn’t want to feel great hurt if it gone so far. Beside, we were just fooling ourselves. He was just fooling me; I was just fooling myself that there was something working out. He loved someone, someone that he couldn’t forget. He tried to give his attention to me and love me too, but he failed. Same with what I feel for him, I had doubts. Well, at first, I was happy, but happiness with him was not intention. My purpose of accepting it was just to play a game, the play of Love. But, I lost. I didn’t suppress my feelings. I admit, I fell almost in love for him, but I tried to avoid it, until the time I concluded to end it too.

He believed in his “First Love” and I believed in “Love Game.” He couldn’t free himself from the cage of past, and I learned from my lessons much. For me “Love is stupidity” and for him, “Love is sacred.” In that point of views, we really differ, we couldn’t meet. I tried to understand him, but I was too selfish, I couldn’t. I always prior myself, my own feelings and perception rather the things that could make our situation better.

But now, the clarity that I’ve been looking for is now all in my mind. With that simple conversation, all the questions in my mind fade away. All the “if’s” in me disappear. I settled myself this way, doing the old routine, when he wasn’t with me before. He settled in a way by forgetting things. Thinking that there was no big deal and looking at me as a friend, a very close friend.

And again, I proved that there will never be a happy ending in a wrong beginning. There will never be an effective relationship if nothing exists or you’re not working as one. Where, when there is always love, hurt, trials, and pain will come that we should accept and surpass. That Loving is stupidity. Man’s love to woman or woman’s to man is completely idiotic. But, human commits mistakes for they are not perfect. Though they know what might happen, and how risky the situation is, they still try. Though they know they will be considered as stupid, they still do, for they can find their “happiness” there and making the impossible things possible for them. And that’s the counter-effect of pain we feel, “learning and striving hard” for that “Love.”

Sunday, October 25, 2009

In my mind..

(I forgot to post this blog...hihihi..let's just be back in the days of September. I'm sorry readers for confusing of dates..:D)


Things gone too far from me this time. It seems that I'm not with myself. I am not in the right path of happiness. I do encounter, but I guess it's just false one, deceiving me from the right one. I also feel like I'm fooling myself, I am trying to believe that I still have the one I value most though I know my hands aren't holding anything. Still believing that you want to stay long, but the truth is , you want to be free. Honestly, I know what is really happening. I can feel what you feel right now. But then, I don't want to believe those stuffs, for In know it will hurt me. I know that keeping myself away from truth is more painful, but try to think of it; Sometimes, Fooling yourself helps you to lessen the pain. Besides, its the only way I know to smile everyday. It's the only thing I know for me not to lose hope and still look on things positively. I know it's definitely wrong, but you can't blame me of doing it, because you don't help me to carry all it out, this burden you cause. "You are not here, anyway."

Recently, I meet my dearest bestfriend. I tell her everything I feel, from admiration to frustration of you. She really insist that I should not contact you much for she thinks that you'll be irritated if I do much of it. But I think, it's never a sin to keep in touch of you. Besides, I am in the position to be updated about you. Moreover, she tells me that I shouldn't love you deeply. I am not! It's just that, I don't want the things or person that I value most will be gone, leaving me alone. I am selfish. Like what I used to tell everyone:

"Ayaw kong mawala ang mga bagay na nasakin. Ayaw kong inaalis sakin ang mga bagay na nakakasanayan ko, kinukuha ng iba ang pagmamay-ari ko. HIndi ako mapagparaya, hindi ako madaling makahanap ng iba. Gusto ko sakin lang ang bagay/to na ginusto ko."

It really sounds selfish and mean, but then, I 'm telling you once more, I am not deeply in love with you. I just want you, I'm not letting you go, without any good reasons. Yes, Its unfair, but do you feel the unfairness when you don't give any in return to me? Any love or even attention? You lack there. I don't want to nag much, I just need clarity from you. And that's it!

Actually, I'm getting used to lie everyday without you or your existence. Without your voice that welcoming me. But the last time I see you, the things I'm getting used with are all gone in just a snap, and being replaced by you. My blues becomes happiness. and now, now that you're not here again, it's hard for me to do the same old routine again coz I am again, longing for what you let me feel; Love and attention. Maybe, it's easy for my friend to say,

"Masanay ka na wala siya, at pag-bumalik, matuwa ka. Pag umalis muli, masanay ka ulit..."

but, I don't know how to start again. I don't know where to begin without hoping of your return.

Now it's clear that I'm just hoping, waiting and insisting of someone who never knew at all. Waiting for nothing; hoping for impossible; and wishing for unreal. My foolishness now yields something. It yields into what I'm avoiding of, PAIN.

"Truth or Lie? Both sound painful, isn't it? Truth is painful as it revealed. Lie hurts as you start to pretend, but still, it bring smile in your face in the beginning."

At this very moment, I don't want to lose you yet, not now or even tomorrow. I don't want you in the arms of others. However, I don't want to hurt myself. Though it's not easy to keep wide distance away from you, I'll do it. Just so, I can know my worth, I can test your love, I can start moving on, I can think more, I can get used to it again, and I can stop hurting and fooling myself.

"I love you, but I love myself more."

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Adopt a family - Giving a hand (Community Service)

October 10, 2009

For some reason, using the 5 hours of your day with some strangers is a big stupidity. Like we think that giving such time for them is the dumbest thing a man could do. However, their appreciation to your effort is different from your disappointment. The time you spend for them; that they laugh, they share stories, they forget their problems for a while, it is a big thing or i mean a big deal for them, especially, when that time you spend you help them with their lives, though not for long time, even for just a day, you help them.

With the same thing happened to me as well as with my classmates, we were having a community service. Well, at first, I were thinking that this was just for my grade, like I would show care and compassionate to the family though it wasn't my thing. That gone to places that were scuzzy were fine with me. but, when my teacher told me the situation of the family, all those negative thoughts were fade away. Instead of thinking on how am i going to interact with people who really opposite of my life, i thought of the things that we could actually give them for them to feel happy. Well, some goods, old clothes, hygiene stuffs and other.

When we were on the place, I felt no doubt on how poor the familes there, how much more our family? This family that had 10 children ages from 3 to 19 and a single parent, their mother. They live on a small spaced house that was being destructed by the last typhoon, ondoy. Their mother should work twice as hard as before just to earn money for their house and for their daily needs. The kids that were still studying, that it was so hard for them to study for there was no light nor big enough space for them to study. They were the ones who did the chores/ Instead of playing and enjoying life as a kid, it seemed that it was being buried and being replaced by adult responsiblity.

I'd interview one of the kids, Judy Anne. A 10 -year old girl in fourth grade who knew every single thing inside the house. She told me that she loves to read and she wanted to be a nurse. In that simple dream from a girl,I knew it would be a great inspiration for her to do better in school. Despite of being poor, she still wanted to study. Also, in that young age, she understood her mother's situation everyday. She understood that her mom was doing everything just for her and her siblings.

Before the service ended, we present them the stuffs we had. We let them open each boxes and plastics we got. The kids love the stuff toys as well as the goods. 'Nanay' and the kds was very happy to see the milk, can goods, noodles, detergents, bath soap etc. They also loved the clothes and shoes we gave. Nanay keeps on saying "Kahit ano man ito, pinapasalamatan ko na kayo sa tulong na ibinigay ninyo..." We really appreciated her thankful message to us. We were very happy to see them loved the presents we got. All the stress and tiredness I felt were gone, as I saw them happy, as I heard their inspiring stories of life, and so do my classmates.

After the service, my classmates and I realized how lucky we were of having this kind of life. That we should value every single effort our parents gave us. That we should share to others the things we had, like helping them, like what we did.

Like nanay's last message to us...

"Alam kong may plan ang Panginoon sa akin, sa bawat araw na naniniwala ako sa kanya, at hanggang sa pagdating at pagtulong ninyo sa amin. Salamat"

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Offer your hands to them - - Typhoon Ondoy Victims

SEPTEMBER 29, 2009

Good evening.
For 3 days straight, I've been watching latest news about victims of the typhoon. Even in the internet, I've seen lots of news and pictures. Such blogs and comments, and even videos of how poor the victims are.

Houses and different establishments are either eaten by the mud or destroyed by the flood. Children were crying over foods and shelter. Their parents, some were crying, for they lost their love ones, some were still hoping, and others, lost their hopes and didn't even know how to start life from a scratch.

My dad, is in his duty today. He's helping in packing of relief goods for the less fortunate. He called us just to say that he's fine. He told us that they were packing thousands of goods, and still those were not enough. They're still looking for donors. They were also the ones who would give those to the depressed places.

My family is very lucky for we are still safe and we still have house to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear. So, my mom and the rest of the members, decided to give a simple help for the ondoy victims. We decided to donate old clothes and old but usable books for the schools. We might not give food for them or medicine, we still want to help. I know people still need those.

Tomorrow, we will start the packing of our donations. I and my brother wanted to give those personally to the donation centers. For i want to involve my family in this opportunity to help.

I know lots of people here are very lucky for they are safe and healthy. That they still have their love ones and properties. If you are, why not sharing your blessing to them. Why not help them in the simplest thing you could ever give. Don't do it just for fame but do it wholeheartedly.


Monday, September 28, 2009

ISOLATION is never a crime

SEPTEMBER 18, 2009

I'm not in the mood,
I'm not with myself.
The burdens eat my soul,
the problems kill my existence.
So, I want to isolate myself for a moment
or until forever.

I just want to sit
in the corner of my cold dark room,
to think and think and clinch this painful truth.

I can't ease the pain anymore,
I can't stand on my own.
I can't fight for what I wanted,
'Coz my heart is vulnerable enough;
I surrender.
For I am weak enough;
I quit.

Though it's hard to say goodbye, I will.
Though its breaking me apart, I'll do.

And I'll be forever inside my room,
to think and think and clinch this painful truth.

I dreamed of my nightmare

SEPTEMBER 16, 2009

I dreamed of you last night, you were with me and holding me tight. We were happy and the scenery was so light. That time, I closed my eyes and wished that it wouldn't end.

I stared at you and you stared back with glazing eyes. You smiled sweetly that made my heart beat fast; that pursued me to kiss you and you did the same, then we laughed.

That moment seemed to be never ending That I felt like I were in the cloud, sitting. All the people around us were gone, and the whole place were all ours.

Then I asked you of how long will you be mine, you frowned; you looked at me with worried eyes. Those eyes that so lovely while ago; those eyes that never lie.

As I looked at your sad face, it answered me. So I hid my face by my palms, so you wouldn't see my tears. You tried to comfort me, but it did worst. I wasn't able to control it from flowing down to my face.

Suddenly, things changed. The blissful scenery turned to catastrophe; it was like hell that I never thought to live. You were not on my side anymore, you were holding me no more. Then I heard someone, whispered, "Goodbye. I love you," and it was you. I tried to find the you, but I failed.

"I'm leaving you. I won't be yours forever." Those words you said crushed my heart into pieces.
Those words torn me apart. This feeling I had drowned me in to sudden sadness and tears.

My dream turns to nightmare, my joy becomes grief.

As I woke up, I was very lost. Everything about us was lost. The only things left in mine were the feeling of love and hurt, and the taste of your lips; our sweet kiss-the kiss of my nightmare.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

just a simple reminder

Good day to all BLOGGER.

The journal - date - post is not really the same date that I experienced or actually write the blogs. I don't post everyday so used to write stuffs.

To avoid the confusion of the date, I'll just right the date-written of the post (the second date on the blog) in bold, italic, or in highlighted text.

Thank you for your understanding and regularly reading of my post (if there is).

I hope you like whatever I wrote in my site. I really work hard for this and my emotions and thoughts are all being written here...(soon.:D)

Thank you and Goodnight.


Monday, August 3, 2009

Friends - "They are outnumbered but only few remain"

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

(I wrote this blog for my dearest friend, Bernadette Relox.)

Friendship. This is where the social life of an individual starts. This brings color to one’s life; it beautifies one’s relationship to others. We all have friends to hold on and to laugh with. We have friends to share our thoughts and to complete our lives. Friends. The dearest persons on earth who touch your heart. They are the ones who are with you when you need someone to talk with. Friends, not only in bad times but also in good times of your life. Friends, who make you feel strong and over confident when you are together.  The ones who help you when you feel dumb in your homework and broken in love. These are the people you used to be with when you are in the mall, shopping, when you are in the bar, drinking, or even when you are online in facebook, chatting. Your friends are outnumbered, but only few really stay.

You can find your friends inside your house, inside your school, or even in your community. However, only your heart can really define who are real and who are not. Only your mind can judge what you think their true personality, their true attitude will be. Only your heart can greatly feel their care and love for you. Never your eyes, which only depend on the façade it see. Never your ears, which only depend on the sweet words it hear. Never your hands, which only hold on others then eventually open to release them. Those are not your critique forever but your heart and mind. But tell me, you mostly use those three until the time you get hurt, aren't you?

In friendship, the main problem here is betrayal – Your friend/s or maybe YOU deceive you or your own friend for his/her or your own happiness. Everyone knows how painful to have a friend or friends who is or are dearest to you betray/s you not only once in a short period of time but many times for a long time. If you  are these guy or girl that I am describing about, I understand your grief, but if not, c’mon! No big deal at all.

You are so loyal and true to him or her. You really value your friendship and you give importance into it more than anything. You consider your friends as a big part of your life that actually completed you. You treat him/her like a brother or sister; you give more time to him or her than your boyfriend or girlfriend. You never refuse his or her calls whenever she or he needs you. You never fail to help him or her though he or she doesn’t ask you. You never give doubts in all unreasonable mistakes he or she did, or not even a single doubt whenever you know he or she tells a lie in front of your face, though that really hurt you. You never complain in all those things he/she did, for you know it’s for his or her own happiness. You still act strong in front of him or her even though your heart surrenders; it wanted to rest. You prioritize his/her needs than yours, you give all you can, do all the impossible things just for you to show the importance of your friend. But in the end, he or she betrays you.

I’m telling you, you never lack in all matters of friendship. You just give all, for you think he or she is the one you wanted to be with and share your life till you get old. For you think he or she in the only person that makes you happy and love, though he or she really doesn’t mean all his or her cares. For you don’t want to lose him or her so it is fine to give up all. You did your part. You are a very very good friend, but dear, he or she still deceives you. Do not blame yourself or anybody of what he or she did whatever the reason behind. Do not ask where you lack for you already give much. You did not do anything wrong except the fact that you let him or her fools you. The fact that he or she did not appreciate all you did, and the fact that he or she can’t do the same thing you did for him or her, are the facts that tell you that he or she doesn’t worth you as a friend; these are the facts that you should know and learn. STOP!

Do not be blinded of the false happiness he or she gave. Only time can really tell if he or she is true or not. Only the time can show you his or her true color. Do not give all you have, for you are only with him or her in the short period of time. Do not be deceived in the feeling of pleasure he or she gave or even to the words he or she said. If you don’t want your outnumbered friends deceive you, do not be deceived by the false happiness you immediately feel.

What to do in order for you to move on?

Honey if you are not that strong and you can’t fight for yourself, all you can do is cry. That’s the strongest and bravest thing you can do. But if you were tired of crying, next thing to do is for you to move on. Think positive. Put In your mind that what just happened to you is a great test and lesson of choosing your friends. Don’t prison yourself in the past; the time that you were together. Let your heart be freed from it. Let your mind be cleared and try to start again. Don’t have this self pity. It won’t help you; instead, use this mistake as an inspiration for you to be stronger and more independent. Don’t be bitter in things that make you reminded of him or her. Avoid those, but never feel vain. If you feel so hurt and jaded, don’t add hatred and anger, it will only lead you to vengeance. Always remember earth won’t stop turning just for you. Life goes on. Do not close your heart for those who wanted to be part of your life, but at that time, let your mind work over your heart to judge them. Or let your heart feels their true insides and judge.

Let go of that friend who betrays you. He or she is just a vexation to you. You can’t do anything to make him or her change. Though you still give a chance, it won’t heal the scars he or she made. It won’t change the truth that you once lose yourself because of him or her.

If you still want him or her to be part of you, then don’t let him or her touch your life greatly. Don’t be martyr and stupid. Learn from the lessons you gained from what he or she did. Allow him to be still part of your life, but never be the same again.

why? what? how? now, answer me

Monday, August 3, 2009

why me?
how about him?
how about her?
how about them?
how about the words?
why me?

what about me?
what about the times we shared?
Is it a big deal to be considered? or It is just a memory of you, me, and them to be kept?
what about the greetings and smiles we used to give with each other? It is a normal thing to do, right? so what about it?
what about me that made myself important?
what about me?

what about those words?
what about those words you said?
what about those words that shouldn't be delivered?
those words that you didn't say before.
those words that start rumors and affection.
those words that changed things. either good or bad.
those words that are questioned by them.
what about those words that made me think too much?
what about it that made me think of you?

how about the critics?
how about their infinite questions?
how am i answer those that won't make them conclude wrong?
how am i able to explain things right?
how are you going to explain your side?
how about their murmurs that made me shrink coz of worries?
how am i going to tell with the right choice of words for them not to misunderstood my side?
I hope they understand. I hope they are open-minded. I know they are. I trust them.
how about the critics?

how about me?
how am i able to believe you without any doubts?
how am i able to to response?
how am i able to accept the changes? I am afraid. I am.
how can i overcome the rumurs and issues?
how about my feelings?
how about the person i give importance that is truly affected?
how about me?

how about you?
The one that i am talking to
how do you feel?
what are you thinking right now?
explain to me whatever you feel.

*nothing in particular. just want to post. well, i know someone or somebody will relate himself or themselves of this. I know. There should be. haha*

"nothing will change. I promise."